Notice Negative Thoughts
One of most important concepts in Budhhist practice is that not all our thoughts are true or trustworthy. While our thoughts can be helpful, they can also sabotage us and our relationships. As a species, we are naturally prone to a negativity bias which can see many of ua wasting years compiling lists of our partners’ faults and past misdemeanours while overlooking their wealth of their positive qualities. This can be very damaging to our relationships. The Budhhist practice mindfulness —— noticing how we are feeling without judging it —— help us recognise unhelpful thoughts. Labelling our thoughts, also a Budhhist technique, helps us stop ruminating so the negative feelings don’t snowball.
What To Do
Become aware of your negative thoughts, label your thoughts —— for example, ‘my nobody loves me voice’, if you are feeling unloved, or ‘my exhaustion brain’, if you are tired. By seperating yourself from your thoughts in this way, you begin to take way your power and influence they have over you.
小心消极想法
“并不是所有我们脑海中产生的想法都是正确的”是佛教中最重要的概念之一。尽管我们的一些想法会起到作用，但有一些也会妨碍到我们和我们的婚姻。作为一个物种，我们天生倾向于消极偏见，以至于我们浪费多年的时间来编织一个关于我们伴侣的错误和不正当行为的清单而忽视他们的富有积极品质的财富。这对我们的婚姻会是百害而无一利的。佛教中的正念即注意我们在没判断下的情感会使我们意识到无益的想法。标识出我们的思想也是一种佛学技巧，这个技巧会帮助我们停下陷入更多的消极想法中。
如何去做：
弄清你的消极思想是哪些并且把他们标识出来。比如，“没有人喜欢我的嗓音”，如果你感到你失宠了或者“我绞尽了脑汁”，如果你累了。通过用这种方法把你自己从你的思想中分离出来,你便可以带走这些想法对你施加的能力和影响。