Work On Forgiveness
Many of us are in relationships where apologies are few and far between and grudges are held for decades. In Budhhism, grudge-holding is seen as detrimental to our karma. It is said to punish the grudge-holder more than a offender. While forgiveness feels like an act of compassion towards ourselves as it frees up mental space for more nourishing material than our grudge. Forgiveness —— which can be greatly assisted by a heartfelt apology —— is about letting go of the past and is one of the best things we can do for our wellbeing and relationship.
What To Do
Apologise when you behave badly and encourage your partner to do the same. Use your inmagination to help you feel empathy for your partner’s emotional difficulties. Work on letting go of anger and resentment about your partner’s past wrongs. Admit that you too are fallible.
学着去宽恕
我们中的很多人都处于在相互之间很少道歉甚至偶尔为之并且积怨了几十年的婚姻关系中。在佛教中，心存怨恨是被视为会对我们的因果报应造成不利。据说报应对积怨的人的惩罚远大于犯罪者。尽管宽恕感觉像是一种对他人仁慈的行为，其实这也相当于是对我们自己的怜悯仁慈，因为这一举动会在我们的心理空间上释放的滋养的物质远多于积怨释放。在接受真诚由衷的道歉之后的原谅，在很大程度上是对过去的一种放手也是我们为了自己的幸福和婚姻的进行得最好的行动之一。
如何去做：
当你做出不当的行为时一定要向对方道歉并且最好鼓励你的伴侣也这样做。运用你的想象去帮助你自己来对你伴侣的情感困难产生共鸣同情。学着去释放对你伴侣曾经犯过的错误而积攒的愤怒和怨恨。每个人都会犯错，这一点你应当要承认。