Accentuate the positive
Many women enjoy venting to their friends about their husbands and and there’s no doubt it can make us feel better in short terms.But beware: if friends always validate our complaints about our partners, this will keep our in a rut where we fail to see our partners or the situation differently. Renowned Zen Budhhist teacher and author Thich Nhat Hanh advises us to’water the seeds of joy’, rather than the seeds ofn suffering. Relationship guru John Gottman agrees and says that to stay satisfied with our partners we need five positive interactions to counteract each negative one.
What To Do:
Stop accentuating and reinforcing how bad everything is and make space in your mind and conversation for what’s going well. Make a list of positive things about your partner. Savour pleasant feelings towards your partner when they arise and express gratitude to him for the things he does.
注重积极的方面
很多女人总是乐于向她们的朋友发泄、倒关于她们丈夫的苦水，毫无疑问这确实能让我们在短时间内感到痛快。但务必要搞清一点：如果我们的朋友同意你对你伴侣的抱怨之词，这将会使我们陷入一个难以用不同的方式去看我们的另一半的常规。一位知名的禅宗作者老师Thich Nhat Hanh 建议我们去“浇灌快乐的种子”而不是“痛苦的种子”。人际关系大师John Gottman 表示认同并说为了保持对我们伴侣的满意需要5种积极的互动方式来抵消每个消极的沟通。
如何去做：
停下对事物如何糟糕的意识的注重增强，为你的心灵留出一块空间跟自己对话讨论有哪些事情进行的顺利。列一张关于你伴侣具有的积极品质的清单，当这些积极的品质出现时，从你的爱人那里享受这份愉悦的感觉并且向你的爱人所展现的品质表达感激之情。