Check Your Expectations
The expectations we have of our relationships often make us miserable. We expect a lot from our partner: romance, emotional support, great sex, friendship, stimulating conversation and shared parenting. In the past, extended family and even the community provided much of this support. Buddhism teaches that our capacity to enjoy life is not governed by having all our expectations met. This is liberating because it means contentment in our relationship can be cultivated from within—— it’s not fully determined by whether our partners are how we want them to be.
What To Do
Make a list of all the things you’re expecting from your partner. Which ones could you get from others? Cultivate connections with friends and family to reduce the load on your partner.
检视你的欲望
我们对婚姻所抱有的欲望经常会使我们感到痛苦失望，我们对自己伴侣有很多期待：浪漫，精神情感的支撑，很棒的性生活，友谊，给人激励的对话和共同抚育孩子的责任。在过去，大家庭甚至社区团体都会提供许多这些方面的支持。佛教则教导我们，我们享受生活的能力不应被为了满足我们所有的欲望而掌控。这是一种解放因为这意味着我们可以从内在来培养对我们婚姻的满足——它并不完全是由是否我们的伴侣是我们所期冀的样子来决定。
如何去做：
列一张关于你对你伴侣的所有期待的清单。哪些是你可以从其他人那里得到的？你可以通过跟你的家人朋友建立培养一种联系来减轻你伴侣身上的负担。